Learning to overcome things that kept me from wanting to explore my "alone-ness" took months. I had to learn the technique of "mind-shift"
in order to move my thoughts from the captive state of "flight or fight" to trust and believe. Meditation helped connect me to the invisible guardians watching over… allowing me to feel safe and protected.
It was hard to move through this transition of loving myself more and appreciating the alone time. I had avoided caring for myself for many years as I kept busy with the needs of others. Insomnia had kept me hidden behind my books and sleep deprivation dulled my brain. I was ignoring my inner-voice and doing a damn good job of it. I was miserable, why would I want to keep company with ME? My thoughts were certainly not positive, they were more like self-pity. I didn't show this persona to the world, and most thought I was a happy being. It was only when I was alone with my thoughts that my facade would crumble. And that is where I would have remained if I hadn't learned to look within.
When you try to move forward after a break-up often you feel it might all be better if you could return again to the relationship, or maybe find a new object for your affections. But by taking this alone time and quieting the negative thoughts I was able to find the me that had been buried beneath despair. It had been so long since I had tuned into me. What was I passionate about? What made my heart sing? What caused distress and worry? What brought me fits of laughter or silent tears? What were my favorite foods, songs or hobbies – I really had not taken the time to examine any of this. Meditation began to strip away the thoughts I had allowed to creep in like poison ivy that were strangling my beautiful self. My inner-voice allowed me to find the creativity that had been stifled, the voice that was trapped as a lump in my throat and the forced smile now spread more naturally as I dried my eyes.
This pathway is mine, but the story may be similar to yours. You may walk this road with others by your side or choose to go it alone. One is not better then the other and tuning into your own heart's desire will allow you to feel which road is best for you. I now treasure my silence and honor this wonderful journey.
My relationship with my family and friends is far richer for discovering this me that was hidden.
Continued from Following a Break-Up
To learn more how you can find your inner-voice please read How to Begin http://meditationapathtohealing.blogspot.com/2011/10/how-to-begin.html
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