Today I decided to tidy my desk. I usually work in a messy muddle – 2 diaries, Partylite orders, my jotter & healing journal, post-it note reminders, contact details, scrap paper with ideas to follow up, books and a pending tray that overflows into the paperclips, sellotape, stapler & pens. I have a vision board, my crystals, the phone & a box of assorted tea bags alongside my box of tissues, a candle & keys. Probably not much different from any desk (with a keyboard, mouse, PC & printer added in). I know I’m a bit of a hoarder so it was time to throw away all those flat batteries, the bits of blue tac that had gone hard & much of the sea of paper that was surrounding me. So I began. As I sifted through things I was reminded how hard I find it to let some things go. I tend to think it will have a use again, or that I might need all those bits of paper when I misplace an address for a contact, or it’s been with me so long I like it too much.
Clearing the desk turned out to be the theme of my day. Letting go is hard if there is a lot of emotion attached to what has to be let go – not only positive emotions but negative emotions too. Several people called around as I was working on my task. Each one of them reminded me that letting go is hard because we have to deal with the grief of loss – loss of a home, money, a job, a person, death. We cope much better with the loss of material things because we can usually go & buy another thing somewhat like the one we lost – perhaps even better. I remember when we had to write off my 10 year old car because of a crash. She was like family & at my daughter’s request I helped her (the car) cross over into vehicle heaven. Yet I also got a replacement car that is well on the way to being family too. Loosing my two dogs & a cat when it was time for them to make the journey home was much harder. These wonderful pets had been loyal to me, my comforters & guardians.
It was harder because the grief was deeper. And that is what follows loss – grief. Having both my parents return to the Spirit World is the deepest grief I have yet had to face. Time has moved me on from shock, disbelief & through anger, despair & sadness into acceptance. I have healed but the scar – the mark & momento of that loss – is ever present. It helps to understand & have confirmation that they have not disappeared forever. That in my communication with the Spirits I can connect to both my parents. What I miss is the ease with which I could go & see them or talk to them on the phone & know they would be here to help immediately if I needed them. Not that I can’t have those things from my connection to their world but it is, somehow, different.
While I was thinking about what made the difference I remembered something my daughter said when she was only little. We were looking out of the window watching the world go by when she sad to me that she didn’t want to be here. She was perfectly serious. She said she wanted to go back. She said again she wanted to go back to where it was all pink & perfect. I had to explain that she had chosen to come here so she would have to stay until she had finished all her Earth jobs. She was sad. She told me how much she missed her home in the pink perfect. Today I was reminded that we all want to go back to the pink perfect. We spend half of our lives battling against being here in the first place & then the second half of our lives trying to finish our jobs as quickly as possible so we can get back there to be with everyone else.
In my work I support as many people as I can who are grieving. Most often the grief is related to the events in their lives. But underneath, in a layer of energy they often can’t sense, they are mourning the temporary loss of an existence filed with unconditional love. Our world of conditional love can never quite make up for that loss – no matter how hard we play the game of life & tell ourselves we are happy. I feel that it’s time for us to learn to acknowledge that first loss, recognise the grief & then remind ourselves that we are headed back to the pink perfect one day. If we all admitted the grief, dealt with the feelings & allowed that we could experience life here in the same way as the pink perfect (provided we could learn to love each other unconditionally) we really would be creating heaven on earth.
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